Jan 14, 2012
It's been quite a while since I've posted here. I wanted to at least thank everyone for the kind words and helpful and positive thoughts. My grandfather passed the 28th of november, it was rather difficult, and it was cancer. I consider myself lucky to have been able to talk to him and say my goodbyes before it happened, I hope anyone else ever faced with something like that would get the chance and the courage to do so as well, It's difficult and even when you think about what exactly to say, sometimes you wish you could say more. I'm glad he knew I loved him and that he knew I was there and I had the chance to thank him for all the wonderful memories that i have thanks to him. Now that I'm writing this, I really wish that I would have told him to let my grandmother know that I miss and love her if there is somewhere after this that by chance you would get to reunite or speak with a loved one who has already gone... I don't know what to believe anymore, the only thing I believe in for a fact now is to treat others well and to live a good life. To live with integrity and positive values. I doubt anyone will read this, but I don't see what it will hurt since I'm here and can't seem to stop myself from typing. I hope by now that at least some of the people I seen on here struggling have had a better year so far. I've gotten more comfortable even though it means cutting back on many things like TV, going anywhere but maybe to shop for groceries, can't remember the last time my boyfriend and I went out for dinner. Plus side though, I'm not alone, i have a wonderful father to my son now, blood or not. The way I see it is anyone can make a baby, but it takes someone special to be a parent. My son is doing splendid. He's funny, uber intelligent and everyone always comments on how happy he is. I am so lucky to have the people in my life that I do, because things would almost be impossible. For a long while I was tackling my depression for the most part, and doing an alright job. Things have gotten so rough lately though that I actually made an appointment with a therapist which i don't do unless I start to fear for my own emotional health. Sadly after making the appointment yesterday, the receptionist called me back today and said that the therapist had canceled, and then when i asked if i could possibly reschedule I was told no. It's almost alarming that someone who legitimately needs help ends up denied. Normally I would just try somewhere else, but there isn't anywhere around here without having to drive over an hour, and I can barely afford gas in my vehicle to get back and forth to my parents or the store. I still haven't gotten a date for court concerning my disability case, which is for severe anxiety and bi-polar disorder (which i have begun to wonder if I wasn't diagnosed incorrectly), and the fact that I can no longer see or afford to see a therapist or counselor isn't going to help my case. I still get medication from my regular MD to help, but it doesn't feel like it's enough at this point, even though the one I am currently on is by far the best one I have encountered. I also wish there were some way I could get partials/dentures for my teeth. I don't know how or why it happened, but when I was born I was born without many of my adult teeth and many of my baby teeth never fell out. I probably sound like I'm complaining, and I should be happy to have the ones that I do, but my gums are constantly ripped or hurt by many foods, and then theres the fact that I'm very self conscious to the point that I'm careful not to smile. Anywho, it's getting beyond late and I suppose I'm just rambling now.. If you actually read this, thank you and I wish you well.
